Clueless

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be strong when you are weak, brave when you are afraid, and humble when you are victorious…

A few days ago I turned nineteen and I still can’t believe how time flies by so fast. I can still remember twelve year old me sitting in class, not listening to the teacher, and imagining myself teleporting in college with just a blink of an eye. Boy, was that accurate af because that is exactly what I feel- like I just closed my eyes for a second and suddenly find myself in college facing challenges I don’t think I can handle. It’s overwhelming how days, weeks, go by so fast. I can’t believe I’m already 19 then I’ll be 20 in a year and next thing you know I’ll be in my thirties thinking about what I should and should’ve done in my youth. I’m already on the evening of my teenage life and soon I will officially be stepping into the grown up world and it scares me because I don’t feel anything but.

Now that I think about it I don’t think I lived my teenage years to the fullest and I certainly don’t want to wait until I’m in my thirties to feel sorry for myself. Sure there were fun times but it was also full of doubt. I seldom do things outside my comfort zone because I fear rejection and failure. I think that’s my biggest regret- I didn’t put myself out there that much; I let opportunities go and I let fear and anxiety get the best of me. The rare times I did put myself out there though would always go down to two ways, it was either rewarding or embarrassing. But nevertheless I always felt good afterward because I didn’t let fear get in the way- I put myself out there and I survived.

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“With rejection comes embarrassment” has always been my mindset and I think that now is the time to change it. It’ll take some time to get rid of my shyness and stage fright and introvertness (if that’s even a word) but with practice, I think I can come out if it strong.

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I know I’m not the best person to get advice from, but I just thought to share with you the lessons I learned in nineteen years.

First, don’t take time for granted. Just don’t. Take it from me who regrets a lot in her life and I’m not even at the peak of my life yet. Always remember that every second count, so be sure to make the best of it. I know it’s a worn-out advice but it’s overused for a reason.

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Also, enjoy your youth but not too much, always know your limit. Have fun but be responsible; study hard but don’t let it consume you; aim high but don’t be boastful; hang out with your friends and family but have time for yourself; practice being independent but don’t be ignorant; respect your parents because they sacrificed a lot for you; and it’s okay to be scared. Heck, I’m scared of a lot of things-I’m scared of growing up, I’m scared of responsibilities, I’m scared of failing, I’m scared of rejections- but being brave doesn’t mean you are not afraid, it means you are strong enough to do the things that scare you.

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And finally, always remember to pray. Pray every day and night and not just because you are asking something from God. Sometimes it helps when you just talk to Him, share with Him what has been happening in your life- your problems, your accomplishments, your fears, and joys- and thank Him every day for the gift of life and second chances.

Cheers to being nineteen and being scared!

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-Stay Awkward

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